CHRISTIAN WEB SITES WITH INACCURATE DESCRIPTIONS OF
Landover Baptist Church - A parody web site
This web site probably contains more inaccurate information about Wicca and
Wiccans as any other site reviewed in this section. However, there is one
difference: The Landover Baptist Church "Where the worthwhile worship.
Unsaved are not welcome (As Jesus commanded)" is a parody on fundamentalist
Christianity. The web site describes their site as offering "A True Christian®
Perspective on Local, National & World News!" However, what they have really
done is to take some features of fundamentalist Christian beliefs and then take them
to extremes. The result is a mixture of anti-Wiccan, anti-semitism, anti-black,
homophobic, and anti-Roman Catholic hatred and disinformation.
They publish a disclaimer on their essays: "The Landover Baptist website
is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18." Unfortunately, it is at
the very bottom of the page, and so is usually only seen after the entire essay
has been read.
In the essay on Wiccans, they describe an imaginary event in Freehold, IA. A
young Wiccan girl, wearing a black cape, burst into the church during services
and flung "the bloody carcass of a headless black cat" across the church
into the baptismal pool. The Wiccan was taken to the furnace room in the
basement of the church to an unknown fate.
Pastor Deacon Fred communicated his "knowledge" about Wiccans to a
meeting of the church Deacons, saying:
||"Wicca, is just a fancy word that insecure unsaved teenagers who hate
their parents use to describe their little club."
||Both Wiccans and Jews "...kidnap Christian children and drink their
blood to seal their commitment to Satan." This is an apparent reference to
the groundless anti-semitic Blood
libel myth which started centuries ago and is still in
circulation in some Muslim countries.
||Wiccans attend churches to: "cast spells, throw hexes, and to commit
bizarre hate crimes against the true body of Christ (Baptists)," who are
their sworn enemy.
||Wiccans are receiving orders directly from the Vatican.
The essay contains an insert: "Spotting Wiccans: This information could
save a Christian life." Some of the points raised are:
||Apparently confusing Wiccans and Goths, they
describe how Wiccans use light colored makeup or powder.
||Some male Wiccans have their penis pierced so that they produce three
streams when they urinate. This is said to be to mock the Christian Trinity.
||Wiccans only bathe once a month and so can be identified by their stench.
||They wear rings, amulets, necklaces etc. of silver caked with green mould.
||They use spells and hexes to confuse their school teachers into giving
them high marks.
||They always vote for Democratic candidates because of the close connection
between the words "Democratic" and "Demon."
||They capture Christian children, drain their bodies of blood, and strip
their flesh from the children's bodies to be smoked and cured into what they
call "Jesus Jerky."
"Wicca: Intoxicated By Christian Blood!," at:
Copyright © 2003, by Ontario Consultants on
Latest update: 2003-AUG-19
Author: B.A. Robinson