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Landover Baptist Church - A parody web site

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This web site probably contains more inaccurate information about Wicca and Wiccans as any other site reviewed in this section. However, there is one difference: The Landover Baptist Church "Where the worthwhile worship. Unsaved are not welcome (As Jesus commanded)" is a parody on fundamentalist Christianity. The web site describes their site as offering "A True Christian Perspective on Local, National & World News!" However, what they have really done is to take some features of fundamentalist Christian beliefs and then take them to extremes. The result is a mixture of anti-Wiccan, anti-semitism, anti-black, homophobic, and anti-Roman Catholic hatred and disinformation.

They publish a disclaimer on their essays: "The Landover Baptist website is not intended to be viewed by anyone under 18." Unfortunately, it is at the very bottom of the page, and so is usually only seen after the entire essay has been read.

In the essay on Wiccans, they describe an imaginary event in Freehold, IA. A young Wiccan girl, wearing a black cape, burst into the church during services and flung "the bloody carcass of a headless black cat" across the church into the baptismal pool. The Wiccan was taken to the furnace room in the basement of the church to an unknown fate.

Pastor Deacon Fred communicated his "knowledge" about Wiccans to a meeting of the church Deacons, saying:

bullet "Wicca, is just a fancy word that insecure unsaved teenagers who hate their parents use to describe their little club."
bullet Both Wiccans and Jews "...kidnap Christian children and drink their blood to seal their commitment to Satan." This is an apparent reference to the groundless anti-semitic Blood libel myth which started centuries ago and is still in circulation in some Muslim countries.
bullet Wiccans attend churches to: "cast spells, throw hexes, and to commit bizarre hate crimes against the true body of Christ (Baptists)," who are their sworn enemy.
bullet Wiccans are receiving orders directly from the Vatican.

The essay contains an insert: "Spotting Wiccans: This information could save a Christian life." Some of the points raised are:

bullet Apparently confusing Wiccans and Goths, they describe how Wiccans use light colored makeup or powder.
bullet Some male Wiccans have their penis pierced so that they produce three streams when they urinate. This is said to be to mock the Christian Trinity.
bullet Wiccans only bathe once a month and so can be identified by their stench.
bullet They wear rings, amulets, necklaces etc. of silver caked with green mould.
bullet They use spells and hexes to confuse their school teachers into giving them high marks.
bullet They always vote for Democratic candidates because of the close connection between the words "Democratic" and "Demon."
bullet They capture Christian children, drain their bodies of blood, and strip their flesh from the children's bodies to be smoked and cured into what they call "Jesus Jerky."

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  1. "Wicca: Intoxicated By Christian Blood!," at:

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Copyright 2003, by Ontario Consultants on Religious Tolerance
Latest update: 2003-AUG-19
Author: B.A. Robinson

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