This essay gives some background material about same-sex
marriage (SSM) that you might find helpful before you proceed to our rather
large section describing SSM.
Three quotes:
"Marriage between one man and one woman is critical to maintaining social
stability. Society as a whole pays a high price when marriage is devalued. You
see divorce; you see single-parenting; you see a rise in out-of-wedlock
pregnancies." Shari Rendall, director of legislation and policy for
Concerned Women for America. 3
"An unjust law is (one that a) majority group compels a minority group
to obey but does not make binding on itself. ... "Lamentably, it is an
historical fact that privileged groups seldom give up there privileges
voluntarily." Martin Luther King, Jr. in a letter from a Birmingham jail.
"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs,
no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should
society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as
humans?"Anonymous posting to an Internet mailing list.
A ruling by the U.S. Supreme Court in Griswold v Connecticut (1965): "Marriage is a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred. It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects. Yet it is an association for as noble a purpose as any involved in our prior decisions."
More quotes showing the diversity of
opinion for and against marriage for loving, committed same-sex couples.
For some years, same-sex marriage (SSM) has been near or at the
top of any list of leading religious/secular/political controversies in North
America. It is complex, divisive, and not readily amenable to compromise. After
all, U.S. states either allow SSM or ban it.
Any change, or threat of change, to the culture is distressing
to many people. But a change to the structure of the fundamental building block
of society -- the family -- can be particularly upsetting. Also, a change
related to human sexuality can be profoundly disorienting.
SSM has split the U.S. by:
Age: Youth and young adults are generally for SSM; the
elderly are against.
Political affiliation: Most democrats are in are favor,
Independents less so, Republicans opposed.
Religion: Conservatives are opposed; religious liberals/progressives and
secularists are for.
Geography: The northeast is supportive; the west coast is about
evenly split; the rest
is against.
Most American adults currently oppose SSM, except in about ten states and the District of Columbia. However, the
trend is
towards increasing acceptance. If current trends continue, most American
adults who have an opinion on the topic will be supportive of SSM sometime in the 2010's.
LivingVote.org has followed the debate over Proposition 8
in California, which terminated SSM in that state. LivingVote's
visitors have posted three arguments for and three against SSM which seem to
reflect Americans' main concerns:
Arguments for SSM
Arguments against SSM
Dignity & respect: "The institution of marriage
conveys dignity and respect towards a couple that make a lifetime commitment
to support each other.
"Same-sex couples deserve this dignity and respect."
Religious freedom: For most Americans, marriage is a
religious sacrament or ceremony. If the definition of marriage is changed to
allow SSM,
some religious individuals and groups feel that they will become at risk of having to violate their
beliefs by being forced to marry same-sex couples.
Equal rights: Denying marriage to same-sex couples
removes from one group a fundamental, important human right -- the right to
marry the person that one loves and to whom one has made a commitment. That is unfair
and unjust
in a democracy.
Children benefit: Many religiously conservative researchers have found that children thrive best when reared in
a home with a married mother and father. Boys and girls have needs that are
uniquely met by parents of the opposite
gender.
Financial & security: Denying one group the right to
marry has many adverse emotional and financial consequences. Examples are Social
Security, Medicare, medical leave, and other benefits; property inheritance;
the right to visit their spouse in hospital, and make medical decisions if
they are incapacitated; security of the couple and of their children.
Teaching about SSM: The role of marriage in society
is a major topic taught in public schools. If SSM is legalized, schools
would be required to teach that same-sex marriage is equivalent to
opposite-sex marriage, starting as early as Kindergarten. That would violate
the beliefs of many parents.
Sponsored links:
Terminology (This is complex and gets a bit technical, so you may want to skip it and go directly to our main same-sex menu.)
SSM is a difficult topic to discuss because:
Different groups assign different meanings to commonly used
words.
There is heavy emotional baggage associated with some terms,
particularly when used by some groups.
Advocacy groups often prefer to use positive terms to describe
their position. Thus, gay-positive groups often say that they are seeking "marriage
equality." Religious and social conservatives often refer to preserving "traditional
marriage," "historical marriage" and say that they are "pro-marriage."
For example:
Terms: Homosexual, gay, lesbian,
bisexual...
Many human sexuality researchers, therapists, etc.
consider "homosexual" to be an emotionally neutral term that refers to
individuals who are sexually attractedonly to members of the same gender.
It refers to one of three
morally neutral, normal, natural, and fixed (or nearly always fixed) sexual orientations among
adults. The other two orientations are heterosexual and bisexual.
Many religious and social conservatives consider
"homosexual" to be a very negative term -- often a snarl word -- that refers to individuals who have sex
with members of the same gender. They see it as immoral, abnormal, unnatural,
and changeable behavior among adults that is condemned by God and by the
Bible.
A very few religiously conservative groups teach that
there are about 30, not 3, sexual orientations -- including bestiality (having
sex with animals); necrophilia (having sex with dead bodies); pedophilia
(sexually abusing pre-pubertal children), etc. They argue that any law that forbids discrimination against persons because of their sexual orientation will actually protect pedophiles, necrophiles, etc. A few politicians have picked up this idea and referred to the federal hate crimes bill as a "pedophile protection bill." This unique definition of sexual orientation has not been widely accepted.
Persons with a homosexual or bisexual orientation often describe
themselves as gay, lesbian, or bisexual. But to some, the terms "gay" and
"lesbian" also imply being actively involved in political action to
promote SSM and equality of rights and protections for persons of all sexual
orientations. Many lesbians and gay dislike the term homosexual because it is so often used as a snarl word.
On this website, we define the terms homosexual, gay,
lesbian, heterosexual, and bisexual in the same way that human sexuality researchers do. We do not implying any
emotional baggage with the term "homosexual." We define orientation according to a person's sexual attraction. Thus, for example, a homosexual is attracted only to members of the same sex. A celibate homosexual is still a homosexual because they are still attracted only to persons of the same sex. This contrasts with the definition use by many religious conservatives who base their definitions on behavior. Most conservatives consider a celibate homosexual to be an ex-gay.
Many news sources use "same-sex marriage" and "gay marriage"
interchangeably. "Gay marriage" is not accurate in many cases, because some same-sex marriages are composed of one bisexual and one homosexual, or two bisexuals.
Religious and social conservatives generally use terms like "gay
marriage" or "homosexual marriage." They often enclose the word "marriage" in
quotation marks to indicate that they do not consider SSM to be a legitimate
form of marriage. They often use the term "traditional marriage" to refer to marriage by
an opposite-sex couple. "Pro-family" generally means that the group is
supportive of families led by opposite-sex couples while simultaneously
being opposed to equal rights for
families led by same-sex couples.
Gay-positive groups generally use terms like "same-sex marriage" and
"marriage equality."
On this site, we mostly use the terms "same-sex marriage" and
its acronym
SSM.