Since about the year 2000, a new outreach has surfaced: Some groups and
therapists are now offering parents
techniques designed to prevent their children from developing a homosexual or
Disagreement over the nature and cause sexual orientation:
There appear to be two solitudes involved in the study of sexual orientation.
One is mainly composed of religious conservatives and the National
Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality. The latter is an
organization of about 1,000 therapists who promote a religiously
conservative belief system about homosexual orientation.
NARTH is becoming widely accepted among some Evangelicals
and Evangelical Christian ministries, because it is
the only professional mental health association that teaches that homosexual orientation is an
abnormal, unnatural disorder, that it is chosen, and that it can be changed through effort.
NARTH also emphasizes the major division of roles among fathers and mothers,
an emphasis seen among religious conservatives.
The second group is composed of most gays, lesbians, bisexuals,
religious liberals, mental health professionals and their professional
associations, human sexuality researchers, etc. They conclude that
homosexuality is one of three normal, natural sexual orientations. A
homosexual orientation is something that a person discovers rather than
chooses. It is essentially unchangeable in
The two groups also differ in their beliefs concerning the cause of
NARTH teaches that homosexuality is caused by improper parenting. They
note that infant boys and girls bond closely with their mothers. But they
regard as essential that young boys detach from their mothers to a degree,
and bond with their fathers. If they do not do this, they might enter
puberty longing for a connection with another male -- a type of father
substitute. This desire may be sexualized, and lead to same-sex sexual
experimentation. The latter can lead to an addiction to homosexuality. Gays
and lesbians thus suffer from a disruption of their relationship to their
parent of the same sex. This causes "gender dysphoria." Reparative
therapy/conversion therapy/transformational therapy often attempt to convert
the sexual orientation of adult homosexuals to heterosexuality by helping
them form a close non-sexual bond with another male. Once this void is
satisfied, they believe that heterosexual desires can be expected to emerge.
Most therapists believe that homosexuality is largely determined by an
individual's genes, and not by a lack of bonding with the same-sex parent.
Some unknown factor in the environment before the age of five may trigger
the gene or let it lie dormant. They regard sexual orientation as fixed in
adulthood, and warn that reparative and similar therapies are both
ineffective and potentially dangerous.
Dr. Nicolosi, the president of NARTH, believes that:
Homosexuality is treatable in adulthood and
Parents can prevent homosexuality from developing in their children by
changing their parenting methods, starting quite early in their children's
In an interview, he said:
"We're talking about 2 1/2 years old. This is what they call the
gender-identity phase. It's the time when children begin to realize that the
world is divided between males and females and that he or she is pressured
into identifying with one or the other. If the father is cold, distant,
aloof, detached or critical, that doesn't happen properly [to a boy]." 1
In a presentation at a Love Won Out (LWO)
conference, he said that homosexuality is caused by:
"...Poor communication between the mother and
the father, especially at the time of the gender identity phase [1 to 3
years old]. The mother and son have a special understanding. The father is
guarded, ill at ease, hostile [around his young son]...fathers, we don't
like to hold infants, we don't know what to do with them. Even if a father
drops his son and cracks his head, at least he'll be straight. Homosexual
men are not relaxed, comfortable around other men. We tell fathers: 'If you
don't hug your son, some other man will'." 2
In his book, he "A parent's guide to preventing
homosexuality," he states that "there is a high correlation
between gender non-conformity in boyhood and adult homosexuality."
3 Gender non-conformity is a
phenomenon generally recognized by most mental health professionals. Boys who
exhibit it may be "unathletic, somewhat passive, lonely (except for female
friends), unaggressive, uninterested in rough-and-tumble play"4 They may want to play with dolls,
dress themselves in female clothes, and in other ways behave as a girl. They
might even say that they want to be a girl, not a boy. Nicolosi suggests without
intervention, such boys have perhaps a 75% chance of growing up to be
homosexual, bisexual or transgender. NARTH recommends that the parents of such
a boy encourage a close, emotional bond between him and his father.
Nicolosi recommends some activities between fathers
and sons: aggressive play, showering together naked, taking short trips together
out of the house, and having the father tuck his son into bed at bedtime. 5 He suggests that fathers get "more involved;"
mothers "back off;" and both parents try to "bring other boys into the
picture" as potential friends for their child. 6
Dr. Nicolosi writes:
"Once mothers and fathers recognize the real
problems their gender-confused children face, agree to work together to help
resolve then, and seek the guidance and expertise of a psychotherapist who
believes that change is possible, there is hope. Growth into a heterosexual
identity is indeed possible." 7
Response from the homosexual community:
On 2006-MAR-02, the In National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Policy
Institute issued a report "...accusing several religious
organizations of harming homosexual teens by offering parents what they say are
bogus therapies to keep children from becoming gay." They questioned the
efficacy and ethics of these therapies and suggested that government authorities
should provide closer oversight when these programs target youth. They suggest
that some organizations employ unlicensed counselors.
According to the Associated Press:
"The report maintains that, increasingly, those attending seminars on
homosexuality prevention and treatment are parents who have gay or lesbian
Foreman called the programs frightening, saying they play into stereotypes,
cautioning parents to worry if their sons are 'too feminine' and often blame
parents for their children's sexual orientation.
Foreman said he would like to see more long-term studies on the success of the
Which beliefs are correct?
Unfortunately, firm conclusions cannot be reached because the efficacy and
safety of reparative therapy has never been effectively studied and reported in a
peer-reviewed journal. This is commonly seen in the therapeutic field. Many
forms of therapy have been proposed in the past and widely implemented without
careful study. Two examples are Recovered Memory Therapy
and Multiple Personality Disorder/Dissociative Identity
Disorder. Although both largely faded from the scene in the mid 1990s, they
have left behind tens or hundreds of thousands of ruined lives, broken families,
and many suicides.
Warning: Author's opinion follows:
Unfortunately, thousands of therapists and
counselors have been practicing reparative and similar types of therapy on many
tens of thousands of clients, without waiting for any peer-reviewed studies of
the technique. Thus, definite conclusions cannot be reached at this time.
However, there are several indicators that NARTH's beliefs are probably not
Many thousands -- perhaps tens of thousands -- of homosexual adults who
are keen to change their sexual orientation have each spent in excess of ten
thousand dollars on a multi-year sessions of reparative therapy. Based on
what scattered information is available, many bisexuals have been persuaded
to abandon their homosexual relationships after therapy and seek matches
only with members of the opposite sex. Some homosexuals do decide to remain
celibate and leave what religious conservatives call "the homosexual
lifestyle." But very few, if any, clients are able to
change their orientation to heterosexual. If therapy to change a
person's sexual orientation in adulthood does not work, then one might
speculate that similar therapy earlier in life would probably fail as well.
If Reparative Therapy were based on a sound scientific foundations, then
one would expect that a very large percentage of boys raised in families
with an absent father would become homosexuals later in life. For example:
Many studies have been made of families led by same-sex parents.
They show that a very small percentage of the boys in lesbian-led
household become homosexuals later in life. NARTH's theories would
predict the opposite.
One would expect that a very large percentage of children raised by
single mothers would turn out gay. Our group has not observed this among
the single mothers that we know. We are unaware of any studies that
report a large percentage of homosexuals among the children of single
One would expect a large percentage of gays among those boys born in
the late 1930s, when so many fathers in North America were absent
fighting World War II. This does not seem to have happened.
One would expect a large percentage of gays among those raised in
military families, because fathers are often away from the home. Again,
this does not appear to have occurred.
Very little information is available on the safety of reparative therapy.
There are anecdotal horror stories about clients being severely depressed
following a failed course of reparative therapy. Some become suicidally
depressed, and some take their own life. But there are also clients who try reparative therapy as a last
resort. When they fail to change their sexual orientation, some conclude that
they will remain homosexual for the rest of their life; they adjust to the
situation and find peace.
End of author's opinion.
The following information sources were used to prepare and update the above
essay. The hyperlinks are not necessarily still active today.
Joseph Nicolosi, "The compassionate answer: Homosexuality avoidable,
doctor tells parents," San Francisco Faith: The Bay Areas Lay
Catholic Newspaper, Vol. 2 # 7, 1998-JUL-AUG. Online at:
Speech at the Love Won Out in Boston, 2005-OCT-29. See: Jason Cianciotto & Sean Cahill, "Youth in the Crosshairs: The third
wave of ex-gay activism," National Gay and Lesbian Task Force.
http://www.thetaskforce.org This is a PDF file. You may require software to read it. Software can be obtained free from: