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 | two very different religions, or |
| two religions which have some similarities, or |
| two major divisions within a single religion (e.g. Protestant and Catholic), or |
| two denominations within a single division of a religion (e.g. Southern Baptist and Assemblies of God) |
Couples treat their religious faiths differently:
| to some individuals, religion has no impact at all; |
| some are barely active in their religion; |
| some take their religion very seriously; it forms a major part of their life. |
| to some, their belief goes beyond conventional religion and becomes a close intimate relationship with God. |
People have different beliefs concerning faith groups which are not their own:
| some value religious diversity and see great merit in other religions; |
| some believe that their religion is the only completely true faith; |
| some believe that other faith groups are seriously flawed; |
| others believe that other religions are are evil, perhaps forms of Satanism. |
All of these factors, and more, influence the impact that religious differences will have in an inter-faith marriage. Thus, it is very difficult to make meaningful general statements that apply to all or even most inter-faith marriages.
Numbers of inter-faith marriages:
Estimates of the total number of inter-faith/intra-faith marriages appear to be hopelessly inaccurate. A book review in Psychology Today estimated that there are only 500,000 inter-faith households in the United States. Yet:
| It is estimated that "Inter-marriage for Jews, for instance, rose steadily from 3% in 1965 to 17% in the mid-eighties." 7 It is commonly believed to be about 50% today. |
| Another guess is that 18 million (25%) of the Roman Catholics in the U.S. marry outside their faith. Estimates for Manitoba, Canada is 40%; for Britain it is 75%. 4 |
| A series of studies in Northern Ireland (a rather special location for intra-faith relationships) gave rates varying from 2 to 25%, depending upon the exact location and year. 5 |
| In Nepal, where Christians form less than 1% of the population, 53% of the marriages held in one church were inter-faith. 6 |
| One writer commented that "Inter-faith marriages between Protestants and Catholics were once frowned upon, but today are accepted by 80% of the population." 7 |
| The Greek Orthodox Archdiocese of America reports that about 67% of marriages conducted in the archdiocese are inter-faith or intra-faith. 8 |
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Orthodox Christian perspective:
Emmanual Clapsis, an Christian Orthodox priest, claims that "the percentage of Greek Orthodox [members] marrying other Christians has been inching upward for decades and will probably continue to move higher..." He sees a number of factors which influence the rate of his church's members marrying outside of their religion. These are probably true for all denominations and religions:
| The number of eligible marriage partners in the neighborhood who are of the same faith group. The fewer the possible partners, the more likely the individual is to look outside of their faith group for a spouse. | ||||||||||||
| The presence of ethnic or social class barriers which impede the mixing of young people
across religious lines. For example:
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| The number of opportunities for single individuals to meet and mix with others within same faith group. Some denominations have very active youth groups; others do not. | ||||||||||||
| The commitment of parents to religion: As secular influences gain strength and church attendance rates fall, young people are being increasingly raised in homes that have little religious commitment. The latter has been shown to increase the rate of inter-faith marriages. | ||||||||||||
| The commitment of youth to religion: With the decline in attendance at Sunday-school classes, the gradual drop in church attendance, religion is probably decreasing slowly in significance among youth. However, with the increase in the percentage of conservative Christian youth, religion is increasing in importance. |
| The children of religiously mixed marriages are more likely to have inter-faith marriages themselves. So, the rate will naturally increase with time. |
| As increasing value and tolerance is given to religious diversity, people are liable to be more willing to consider a mixed-faith marriage. |
| The "strength of ethnic identification seems to inhibit" religiously mixed marriages. As more Americans enter the cultural "melting pot," the inter-faith marriage rate may increase. |
Roman Catholic perspective
James Davidson, a sociologist at Purdue University has studied inter-faith marriages in the Roman Catholic church. He writes that the intermarriage rate is today "at least twice what it was in the pre-Vatican [II] era." He attributes this to a number of influences:
| Younger adults today have less attachment to the Church |
| The total of Church-approved marriages is in decline (382,861 in 1970 vs. 293,434 in 1995). This is in spite of the increase in number of Catholics during the same period. |
| There was a decline of 23% in church-sanctioned weddings between 1975 and 1995. |
| Interfaith couples are choosing civil ceremonies in record numbers. There are far more interfaith marriages outside the church than within. "A report given by the interchurch and interfaith committee at the 1996 Clergy-Laity Congress stated that a failure to reach out to the interfaith couples in our churches would "be [like] closing our doors to the very children, adults and families who are the church's future." 8 |
Stressors in inter-faith marriages:
Stressors often begin before the marriage itself, when parents realize that a serious relationship is developing between their child and a friend of another religion. The next hurdle is often at the time of the engagement. Organization of the marriage ceremony and reception can be a "disaster of the Hindenberg class," as some members of the extended families may feel that the couple is being unfaithful to the traditions in which they were raised. Frequently, church rules place roadblocks in the couple's path as they plan their ceremony.
Simply dealing with the spouses' different faiths on a week-to-week basis can be a point of contention: whether to attend church, circle, mosque, synagogue, or temple of the one partner or the other; or to alternate attendance, or to attend a compromise denomination, or to back away from religious observance entirely.
When the couple has children they will have to decide in which faith the child will be trained and educated. A partner might find it very difficult to handle having their child taught what are, in their opinion, untruths. If this decision is left until children arrive, this unresolved religious conflict can cause chaos.
Different faith groups advocate varying beliefs and practices concerning family size, abortion, birth control, artificial insemination, diet, food preparation, sexual abstinence, the sharing of power between the spouses, the sharing of decision making with the children, etc. All of these factors can cause friction and may have to be individually resolved.
References:
- Vera Lawlor, "Is it OK for those of different faiths to wed?," The Bergen Record, Hakensack, NJ., 1999-MAR-11. See: http://www.bergen.com/home/relqa1119990311c.htm
- Emmanual Clapsis, "The challenge posed by mixed marriages," at: http://www.voithia.org/qmpnh102498b.htm
- "At home with other faiths," Oxford Diocesan Council for Interfaith Concerns, at: http://www.oxford.anglican.org/faiths.htm
- Fenella Temmerman, "Letter to 'Columbia,' " at: http://www.aifw.org/aif/journies/columbia.htm
- Valerie Morgan, et. al., "Mixed marriages in Northern Ireland," University of Ulster, (1996). Preface and sections 1,6 & 7 are online at: http://cain.ulst.ac.uk/csc/reports/mixed.htm
- A.F. Sharma, speech at a Synod for Asia at Rome on 1998-APR-29. See: http://www.natcath.com/Pub_Co/fox_9.htm
- Terry Matthews "The changing nature of denominational life," at: http://www.wlu.ca/~wwwaar/syllabi/matthews/rel166/thirtythree.htm
- James Davidson, article in Commonweal magazine, 1999-SEP-10.
- Interfaith Marriage, at: http://www.interfaith.goarch.org/ They have chat rooms and message boards on their web site.
Copyright © 1999
Originally published: 1999-MAR-16
Latest update: 1999-DEC-15
Author: B.A. Robinson
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