An essay donated by Arthur Trafford
For singles: Freedom from sexual pressure:
For singles: Freedom from sexual pressure:
I have always thought that it was the religious faith that we embrace that motivates all of us to be sexually and morally pure in our state of mind and body. We can think that it is “a still small voice” of God that motivates us to do what is right concerning sexual purity; but early childhood experiences teaches us ideas that God never intended us to believe about ourselves.
Parents, teachers, family members, friends, religion and even strangers will try to motivate older children, teenagers and adults through logic, deductive reasoning, bribery, rewards and collusion. However, the minds of very young children are emotions driven and logic is beyond their understanding.
You can tell a very young child that God loves them and that they are special; but their experiences in life will seem more truthful than your positive thoughts expressed. For example, a child may stop playing with a toy in the bathtub and run naked out into the living room as his mother is greeting a group of people. He may be severely scolded by his mother who has a very angry, fearful or hysterical countenance. You can bet he is wondering why he is being shamed, punished with harsh words and spanked in front of others. Or, he might be in the kitchen and shirtless with only his underwear on, put his hand inside his underwear, and scratches himself. He is spanked for his actions. You can bet he feels that sexuality is dirty, sinful and very much something to be ashamed of. If she is very religious she might even add “God doesn’t love you when you do that”.
Even when parents and others go out of their way to ensure their child isn’t shamed, their child can still pick-up messages from other children who are treated badly. They may claim the message conveyed to others as also belonging to them. Everyone has their own set of demons that torment them. It takes great care to not pass on our own sexual fears and prudishness to the 3rd and 4th generation in our family.
What is the best way for humans to have real victory over sexual temptation and lessen our desire to violate our commitment of moral purity before God, self and others? Wouldn’t it be great if all public, private and religious schools would teach young people and adults to not be ashamed or embarrassed of their body or of sexual pleasure?
Every child is reminded to not drink a lot of water before going to bed, because no adult wants to be inconvenienced early in the morning. Every group before getting on a bus or in a car is reminded to take their restroom brake to prevent having to make an emergency stop and to prevent wetting or soils of clothes. So our parents, and educational system (at all levels) should teach every citizen of our country that they need to defuse their raging sex hormones before they are tempted to defraud or manipulate another person in a relationship.
God gives us a strong sex drive that is supposed to motivate us to get married to avoid having to resist unnecessary temptations. An individual getting married mainly for sex is a main reason for the high divorce rate. Bringing too much emotional baggage into a relationship or being a high maintenance mate are other reasons for the break-up of marriages. In my opinion, permanent celibacy is never a heavenly mandate from God; the lawsuits against abusive religious leaders prove that point very clearly and succinctly.
In these last 6,000 years, Satan gets you, me and others to believe and teach that no one has the right to enjoy any sexual pleasures while single. In Christianity and other religions we are made to believe we need to suffer in our single years. Marriage is taught as our only hope of deliverance from lustful thoughts and actions. We treat our bodies very cruelly. If my bladder or colon needs to be emptied I will search for a restroom and solve my problem. But if my body wants and demands a sexual release, then everyone tells me that I need to be more spiritual and ignore my sex drive. This is not easily done. In our youth, it is very difficult to get to sleep if we haven't dealt with our sex drive.
Suppose I have a next door neighbor named Sam and I asked him, “Would you approve of my 18 year old son having sex with your 18 year old daughter; or would you rather my son meet his own sexual needs at home, before they go on a date?” Sam will consider my son and his daughter more righteous if they both do not defraud each other on a date and they should seek to meet their own sexual needs in solitude. They need a mother-daughter talk; and a father-son talk. The misinformation that children pick-up coupled with fearful parents afraid of the truth about self-pleasure; reveal that this truth can set all of us free from the lies we believed in childhood, teenage and adult years.
I can understand why an organization that wants to capitalize on unwanted pregnancies might want to encourage teens and adults to take their condoms and enjoy themselves for a season of mutual pleasure. But when caring and loving people of faith completely ignore the most logical way to drain off unwanted sexual tension, they promote lustful acts and that trigger the arousal of the sexual predator that is in all males and females. We are messengers of God to bring deliverance to those captivated by their own basic primal instincts when we encourage singles to meet their own sexual needs.
When we were very young children, our parents were literally like Gods to us. They seem to know everything. They were all powerful and demanded complete obedience from us, just like God. Very soon in life we dethrone our human gods and hopefully put the Creator God on the throne of our lives. But even then, most of us continue to think sexual pleasure is to be resisted and feared at all times while single.
Do you realize that if God had located a dense concentration of nerve endings in one of our elbows instead of our sex organ; we would be ashamed of our elbow (because it feels so good to touch it). At the same time, we would look for someone to message our elbow for us!
Some peoples and tribes around the world are less plagued with sexual phobias that we struggle to cope with. Their women go topless and no female feels shamed or lusted after. Mainly because they only look at female breasts as human milk machine dispensers, and are not identified or considered as a sex object. Until most of the world would adopt that viewpoint, there is no way a sinful self-centered world can embrace their lifestyle.
The main physical reason we wear clothes is because of the climate changes and sanitary concerns. Even if all people on earth had high moral values, we would still feel more comfortable in this fallen world if others wore clothes. Since our bodies are chemical factories and emits bodily fluids, no one would want to sit where other people sat if it weren’t for clothes.
Theologically speaking, it would be impossible for God to disapprove of anyone meeting their own sexual needs; simply because it is our own body. Lust always involves another person. As long as you don’t involve someone in person, via phone, picture, or magazine etc. then you haven’t defrauded anyone; and you are still righteous in spirit, mind and body.
If all singles met their own sexual needs and not defraud other people; then there would be fewer rapes, date-rapes, child sexual abuse, incest, abortions, and sexual promiscuity.
P.S. The enemies of God love it when single religious people have no way to flee from youthful lust. God gives all humans the same way to escape sexual temptation; either a mate is responsible to meet the sexual needs of a person, or a single person has the responsibility to meet their own sexual needs until God gives them a mate! Any other viewpoint is cruel, unloving, and unreasonable.
Please publish this letter in local newspapers, on religious and personal web-sites.
Originally written: 2012-APR
Initial posting: 2012-AUG-21
Author: Arthur Trafford